"Helping Young Athletes Achieve Their Potential: A 7-Day e-Course for Sports Parents and Youth Coaches."
By :Patrick Cohn, Ph.D., Mental Training Expert & Lisa Cohn, Youth Sports Parenting Author
Welcome to Day One of "Helping Young Athletes Achieve Their Potential: A 7-Day e-Course for Sports Parents and Youth Coaches."Again, our goal is to help you understand the importance of building confidence in your young athlete so she can reach her potential. In our introductory email, we quoted young athletes about what gives them confidence. It's also important to understand what destroys a young athlete's confidence. Here are some quotes from kids and teens about what undermines their confidence or their belief in their abilities:
"I take on my team's errors," says Kevin, age 13, a baseball, hockey and tennis player. "If someone steals home base, I assume it's my fault. I'm really hard on myself. I get real down on myself."
"The major problem is my parents," says Lauren, a 12-year-old who plays soccer, Lacrosse, basketball and tennis. "Dad's cheering embarrasses me. Just before I shoot in soccer, he yells, 'Pull the trigger!' It's so awful."
"I'm naturally not good at sports," says Robbie, age 12, who fences. "I don't have the right body. I'm weak, have no muscles and can barely lift 10 pounds."
"I wonder if I am going to shoot a good round of golf before I start doubt I can stack up to the competition and if I am good enough," says Erica, age 15,
Generally, young athletes say they feel more confident when they: BUILDING CONFIDENCE *Have many successful experiences in practice and games
*Feel support from friends or family members
*Attend practices
*Perform well in practice
*Have access to good coaches
*Have access to good equipment
*Are fit
*Eat well
*Are mentally prepared
*Believe they have strong physical abilities
Kids' confidence is linked in large part to the kind of "input" they give themselves or receive from coaches, parents, or teammates. It's also affected by their past performances. Here are kids' top five confidence killers: TOP 5 CONFIDENCE KILLERS 1. Holding high expectations
Kids with high expectations generally experience "all or nothing" thinking. They may tell themselves, "I need to pitch a no-hitter," an expectation that even pro athletes wouldn't impose on themselves! When athletes have extremely high expectations, they set themselves up for feeling like they failed.
2. Being a perfectionist
Perfectionists cripple their confidence by expecting to have a perfect game, or to throw a no-hitter, experience a mistake-free performance or win the match 6-0, 6-0. Such accomplishments are rare in sports, but perfectionists aim for them.
Perfectionists are hard on themselves and criticize their slightest mistakes. They analyze each performance in minute detail, focusing on their bad stance, terrible posture and horrible attitude. They have a hard time enjoying sports because they're so determined to perform without making mistakes.
3. Harboring self-doubt
Young athletes who doubt their abilities are often nervous, anxious or fearful. That's not to say that even top athletes experience doubt at times. Young athletes whose self-doubt hurts their confidence may feel inadequate, unable to perform when others are watching, inferior to the competition, or may become hesitant when faced with adversity or opposition.
4. Holding on to negative feedback
Some athletes are particularly sensitive to negative feedback. They hold onto it and it turns into their own negative voice inside their head. They might tell themselves, "Everyone thinks I stink, so I must stink."
They may do this after a coach focuses only on their mistakes, when parents point out only the down side of their performance, or when teammates criticize them.
5. Failing to believe in self
When young athletes don't believe in themselves, they question their ability to perform. They ask themselves, "Did I practice hard enough this week?" or other questions. Self-doubt is the most damaging to an athlete's confidence.
For example, some young athletes doubt their abilities to execute a free-throw, but still manage to make the free-throw.
Athletes who don't believe in themselves often have defeatist attitudes and use negative labels to describe themselves, such as "I am a choker." They wonder why sports is worth the effort, since the outcome will likely be failure.
Above are the top five confidence killers. In our next session, we'll talk about Confidence Busters 6-10.
DAY 2
Welcome to Day Two of "Helping Young Athletes Achieve Their Potential: A 7-Day e-Course for Sports Parents and Youth Coaches." This course gives confidence-building tips that will help parents and coaches optimize their players' experiences.
In our last session, we discussed the top five confidence busters. Why are these so important? It's simple. Athletes cannot achieve their potential without feeling high levels of self-confidence. Here are the next five confidence busters:
OTHER CONFIDENCE BUSTERS 6. Having trouble letting go of negative experiences
All athletes have been through rough experiences. Great athletes however, don't let these experiences hinder their performance. They can quickly adopt and get past their mistakes, then focus on the moment.
However, athletes who dwell on past mistakes often struggle with confidence issues and perform tentatively for fear of making more mistakes. For example, a skater may avoid a certain jump because last time she performed, she fell and scored badly.
7. Lacking confidence in method or mechanics
Kids and teens who don't believe in their method, coaching or mechanics have trouble believing in their abilities. Many perfectionists think they must possess perfect mechanics in order to perform well or win. When something does not feel just right, they may doubt their abilities.
8. Worrying about making mistakes
Athletes who focus too much on avoiding mistakes doubt their ability to perform well. After missing a few shots, falling down or otherwise goofing up, they try to avoid the same mistakes.
These athletes might stop shooting if they miss two shots in a row,for example. The doubt consumes their thinking quickly. Making errors in competition is a huge confidence buster for many athletes. They don't yet possess a stable level of confidence. Their confidence fluctuates with every play.
9. Experiencing nagging injuries
Unfortunately, injuries are a part of sports. When kids focus too much on the injury, they have a hard time performing their best.Their worries about not being 100% physically fit cause their confidence to sink. Kids who aren't 100% physically fit may use their injuries as an excuse to stop playing their best.
10. Experiencing poor pre-game warm-up
We mentioned above that many athletes gain confidence from their practice and training. If they judge their warm-up harshly prior to playing, they lose confidence. They begin to think that a poor warm up translates into playing poorly in the game.
This is called a false over-generalization. Their doubts start to sabotage their confidence before the game even starts and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
DAY 3
Welcome to Day Three of "Helping Young Athletes Achieve Their Potential: A 7-Day e-Course for Sports Parents and Youth Coaches." This course gives confidence-building tips that will help parents and coaches optimize their players' experiences.
Today we'll explain how high expectations can sink young athletes' confidence.
Let's begin by taking a look at Jon, a 12-year-old basketball player who often begins games telling himself that he has to break all his personal records and score at least 25 or 30 points.
He thinks he should also get eight assists and four rebounds. His coach often holds similarly high expectations for Jon, which he quickly adopts as his own.
If Jon begins a game by losing a few balls or missing a few shots, he starts playing more tentatively, worried that he's going to make even more mistakes.
He gets frustrated, then begins to try too hard. He keeps trying to make "perfect" shots. But he feels wooden and tight. He feels like a failure because of his overly high expectations. He needs to play in the moment more and rely more on his natural ability.
Not only does Jon have to cope with the expectations he imposes on himself. He must deal with his coach's expectations. Once his coach starts pointing out mistakes or pressuring Jon to score, he freezes up even more. He starts focusing on avoiding mistakes—avoiding shooting air balls, for example.
Not matching his expectations, Jon gets frustrated, and doubts his abilities. He begins to wonder how he's ever going to block his opponent's shots. He starts punishing himself for not being in better shape.
Instead of indulging in such negative thinking, Jon needs to think about his positive qualities: his strength, his coach's belief in him, his hours of practice and his ability to get the ball in the basket in the past.
Remember: if your young athlete has strict expectations, fails to meet her expectations, and begins focusing on her errors, she crushes her self-confidence.
Jon's confidence would not sink so quickly if he entered the game with no expectations about the quality of his performance or scoring. Jon's coach and parents could help him by telling him to forget about scores and focus on executing the plays. They should help him play "in the moment."
Jon should look at the basket and throw the ball without attempting to make a perfect shot or without trying to avoid an air ball. He should react to the target and trust himself.
He should also focus on what's happening right now--not on the score or the win. Jon could concentrate on nabbing rebounds, or ensuring his passes are well executed. His coach could also remind him to focus on these small objectives or mini-goals, rather than on the score.
As parents and coaches, you can keep an eye out for kids with high expectations. They often:
*Set unreasonably high goals for themselves
*Beat themselves up mentally when they don't perform to their expectations
*Call themselves names--"loser," "choker," and "wimp"--when they make mistakes
*Feel pressured to perform well for parents, coaches and peers
*Play it safe and don't take risks when they get ahead of their opponents because they want to protect their lead.
Again, parents and coaches need to help these young athletes set small, manageable goals and reward them when they achieve them.
Patrick Cohn, Ph.D., Mental Training Expert & Lisa Cohn, Youth Sports Parenting Author
P.S. Want to learn more about what you should say to your child before a game? Get your copy of our CD/Workbook program, "The Ultimate Sports Parent" today!
Welcome to Day Four of "Helping Young Athletes Achieve Their Potential: A 7-Day e-Course for Sports Parents and Youth Coaches." This course gives confidence-building tips that will help parents and coaches optimize their players' experiences.
Today we're going to give a tip to help your young athlete boost his confidence. It involves changing the way your child or teen thinks—by improving his "self-talk."
Sports kids often fall into a pattern of negative self-talk. This means that their "inner dialogue" - or what they tell themselves while they're playing or after making mistakes - is often negative.
For example, they might tell themselves they're too small, too slow, or not strong enough to be good athletes.
They might tell themselves that everyone hates them. Just after a poor pass, they might tell themselves the pass was a horrible one.
After missing a putt, they might tell themselves they're the worst putter in the world. This pattern of negative self-talk undermines kids' confidence and success in sports. It makes it hard for them to reach their potential.
You, as parents and coaches, can help your child or teen overcome this negative pattern. To do this, however, you have to help him change the way he thinks. Begin by identifying your athlete's positive attributes. These could include:
*Always attending practice
*Being physically fit
*Being a good team player
*Being a smart player
*Having good court vision
*Being viewed as highly coachable
*Having natural talent
CONFIDENCE BUILDING Step one: Help your young athlete identify the "negative" things he tells himself. List these after games.
Step two: Ask him to banish such thoughts from his mind by replacing them with positive self-talk such as "I am a great putter, stay patient."
Step three: Ask him to list his positive qualities, and offer to add the list that you created. He could also list his positive sports experiences. Let's say he played with all his heart one day, and it felt really great. What was he thinking that day that allowed him to play that way?
Step four: Encourage him to hold these positive thoughts and feelings in his mind while he's performing, practicing or thinking about sports. When negative self-talk creeps into his mind, especially after mistakes, ask him to replace it with positive self-talk. He might also tell himself he's physically fit, coachable, or possesses some of the other positive qualities he identified.
Remember: Be careful about what you say after a game or practice. He might adopt your negative statements as his own negative "internal chatter." He needs to keep the chatter positive!
DAY 5
Welcome to Day Five of "Helping Young Athletes Achieve Their Potential: A 7-Day e-Course for Sports Parents and Youth Coaches." This course gives confidence-building tips that will help your young athletes make the most of their sports experience.
In our last session, we talked about the value of ensuring kids have "positive self-talk," especially after making mistakes.
Today we've got another tip for building confidence in young athletes: Visualizing success.
This involves using their imaginations to create a mental picture in their minds of a positive performance or execution. This could be a performance or execution they'd like to achieve or one they already experienced.
For example, just before a basketball player comes off the bench to play, he might imagine feeling the ball in his hands, dribbling down the court and passing to a teammate. Another example: Just before a swimmer dives off the starting block into the water, she might create a picture in her mind of a smooth, powerful stroke. Players can also use their imaginations to bring past positive experiences to mind. Let's say your young athlete felt great about making two assists in soccer. Remind her to imagine that positive experience!
We often encourage athletes to think back to a time when they felt extremely confident--after scoring a goal, hitting an excellent shot,or playing well on defense, for example. We ask: What did it feel like when you were feeling confident?
Keep in mind that some athletes prefer to "see" positive performances in their minds. Other athletes prefer to "feel" a successful performance. It just depends on their dominant style of learning and performing.
The next step is to ask your athlete to recall these positive thoughts, feelings, emotions, and actions prior to her next performance. Your child can then take responsibility for her feelings of confidence before games.
DAY 6
Welcome to Day Six of "Helping Young Athletes Achieve Their Potential: A 7-Day e-Course for Sports Parents and Youth Coaches." This course gives you confidence-building tips to help your young athletes make the most of their sports experiences.
Today we're going to explain why pre-game pep talks from parents aren't very successful in helping young athletes succeed.
Often, parents have the best of intentions when they give their kids pep talks. They might say something like, "You're the most talented player out there. Go for it!" Or, "I want you to score three goals today."
Or, you might say, "Remember all the great pointers about free-throw shots.... Get your stance right. Make sure your head's in the right position...."
As we mentioned earlier, telling your young athletes they could score three goals--or achieve some other target--often imposes expectations on them. Young athletes can take on these expectations as their own. When they adopt your expectations, they might feel really bad about themselves if they don't meet them. They also might even feel like they let you down.
They might start calling themselves names ("I'm a terrible player") or they might get frustrated ("I'm never going to be able to make a three-pointer today!") Either way, you've inadvertently created high expectations with the potential to sink your child's confidence—when you probably intended to build it up!
When you give your young athlete very specific and technical instructions before a game, you're likely filling his head with details he doesn't need to be thinking about at that moment.
If you tell him how to stand, how his foot should be positioned, where his head should be and where he should be situated on the field before he shoots a goal, it's too much information! If his head is full of technical instructions, he'll likely freeze up and play tentatively.
Instead, kids need to feel confident enough to play intuitively and freely. Less information is often better before a game. Athletes must be free to react in a game situation and trust what they have learned in practice. That way, they'll take risks, play freely and feel more confident.
Try to avoid those pre-game pep-talks. What's the most important thing you can tell your athlete before a game? "Have fun out there!"
Sincerely,
Patrick Cohn, Ph.D., Mental Training Expert & Lisa Cohn, Youth Sports Parenting Author
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